Azi sunt OM

It is a new year in everyone's life, and this is a brand new year for me, a year in which I feel I have grown, with many changes in my hobbies, interests and even priorities. I really was not an adult, preoccupied with the economical, political, social context of the society I was and still living in. I've used a label for this: "disappointing" and never bothered to dig any further. There were few examples that managed to reach me and they were just adding to the "disappointing" image I already have. I was someone, who ignored everything, just being selfish in MY world.

Lately, I've got to the point, that every minor or major change in our society is concerning me. So, here I am, trying to make a sense of everything, try to form an opinion.

At first, I had feelings of disgust towards economical, social, political systems in which a man could actually die in a hospital, carried back and forth from one hospital to another because the hospital staff needed to follow their procedures on papers. The man died after calling the ambulance and no doctor would attend him because his papers were not ready. Come on!!!! Really, COME ON!!!
I agree with the procedure of making papers, following the rules but the MAN DIED waiting to be cared and helped by doctors. Some would argue with me, that this actual case happened because and because, but my personal opinion is: It is UNACCEPTABLE that a man could die in a HOSPITAL (for God' sake) because the doctors were waiting for the Insurance papers before doing anything!!! At least, they could have given him some first aid measures; but no, the ambulance staff were waiting with the patient for hours and in the end the man's heart collapsed, leading to his death.

The values of our society are: "money I have" "people envy me" "women love me" "I am wearing Dolce" and so on. Some may say, Welcome to the real world, MySecret! This happens everywhere, not just Romania (for some, Romania can still be found in Canada, right above the upper east side of the south corner).

And then I think. OK, so I guess, there must me a large number of people who are following and identify with these values (the number of wanna-be is growing) and there is also a large number of humans who feel disappointed, outraged, helpless towards this.
I wonder, is there a time, in our evolution as a HUMAN SOCIETY, where we can say that something was in the right place??? Really, is there? Can someone please tell me, because I've lost hope.

I was used to think that humans, in their hearts are good, that society by all is good, that the Romanian society is just going through a rough period, after the fall of Ceausescu.

But not anymore!!!

We are who we are because we deserved it; we are where we are because we are selfish in nature, because we don't care for anyone else but ourselves, because we learned this behavior from our parents, who learned from their parents, who learned from their fathers and so on.

There is no "Every human being is good by nature" or "I believe in the best of people". All the religious, humanistic, psychological approach is just a BIG bullshit, bullshit meant to ease our conscience, bullshit meant to make us feel better. The truth is WE ARE SELFISH AS A INDIVIDUAL, WE ARE SELFISH AS A SOCIETY.

So, in my heart, there is no longer disappointment, because there was never a good side of we, the humans, there is no longer disgust, or outraged feelings. I just wish I was a martian, or even better, a snail...See, I am hopeless, I am so human even in my wishes of not being human...therefore I say, Azi Sunt OM, but I've lost my hope.